Working for the Man

While on the subject of work, here is a little run through the various jobs I have coveted.



Possible reasons that I was deadly serious about joining this profession are.

1.I though that perhaps I would win my childhood crush Mark Barrick's heart with this job.
2.Daphne from Neighbours was stripper - good enough for her good enough for me.
3.Aren't those outfits pretty?


Possible reasons I wanted to be a nurse.

1. Perhaps I saw the outfit above while researching stripping costumes and thought this one was prettier?
2. It sounded like a nice job for young lass like me. I liked animals and babies and things
3. This one definitely kept me going until....


Possible reasons I wanted to be any of the above

1. A desperate craving for love and affection from my grade five teacher who I had a Sapphic crush on.
2. Some well placed feminism
3. underlying megalomania/plans to rule the world.

I'm not kidding at this stage I my life I got a microscope and chemistry set for successive birthdays and would freeze cockroaches in strange suspended animation experiments. My prize possession was a photo of a rat's knee under the microscope given to me by a couple of geeks at the University of Queensland.

At the end of year 7, we put together are "What would you like to do with your life?"
My answer was - "I would like to climb Mt Everest and converse with the Dalai Llama. I would also like to cure the common cold"????!!!!!!

Kerrist - tickets on yourself young Ladycracker.

Total Science GEEK career until I realised that I was crap at Chemistry and Physics so naturally I went the other way to...


Oh how I was going to change the world with my hot lady journalist ways!
Reasons for wanting to be a journalist

1. Jim Morrison's hot witchy girlfriend in the Doors Movie was a journalist.
2. Journalist are allowed to drink a lot and take drugs in the name of a good story.
3. Free stuff.

While none of the above careers have worked out for me, I have managed to do the following


Interesting I guess.


hell in handbasket

Through great failures and disappointments I always try to get through.

I don't think I'm going to this time.

The outrageous requirements of someone else who has bitten off more than they can chew is now affecting to me.

I just had to send a horrible email and I don't want to answer the phone for the rest of the day.

Yuck, sometimes I really really hate my job.



  • to one of my favourite bloggers

  • Who has announced the impending birth of another genius satirist with talent to burn.

    oh dear

    never ever again

    Please join me in celebrating the end of my youth.
    It is now a proven fact that I cannot go out drinking for 10 hours straight and remain respectable.
    How do I know this?

    After ten hours, the detroit cobras, control, copious drinks, joints, a bad man from work who always gets me into trouble introducing me to an even badder man who will get me into trouble, I lost my glasses and almost broke my collar bone.

    That's me - all class.
    I think some enforced sobriety is on the cards.

    Still it could be worse....



    last night

    So MLI and I went out to celebrate last night at Italy I.
    What were we celebrating?
    His new job
    His settlement
    My successful completion of a very important project.
    Our continued hotness.

    This was all toasted with a glass of Pol Roger


    For entree we had the calamari and a cold beer. I was really really nervous for some reason. It was like being on our first date and I felt all giggly and excited.

    For main I had Fusilli with oven roasted tomatoes, aparagus, zucchini and olives with Meredith goats cheese - divine - the cheese was fucking heavenly.
    MLI had the meatball special which he really enjoyed.

    This was enjoyed with a 1998 Rockfords basketpressed Shiraz which is apparently one of the best wines in the country.

    After that we went and had cocktails in a very private bar, got a bit sexy and had to rush on home.

    We had such an excellent night, Im going to need to think of something very special to top that.

    This post could have been a lot longer and a lot more detailed but I'm presenting to the sales conference in an hour and need to get focussed.

    Sales conference went brilliantly and MLI must have had a good a night - 12 long stemmed red roses were sitting on my desk when I got back.



    A few housekeeping issues

    Firstly I announce with great excitement - NLI( New Love Interest) has had a name change to MLI (My Love Interest).

    Oh it is with these small steps that joy springs.

    The reason his name has changed and the settlement of his past life is complete. Not in a hippy sort of way either, legally.
    We are going out tonight to celebrate with some very expensive champagne and no doubt some very delicious food.

    Also to a fellow blogger

    Otherwise - I can't comment on your blog?


    Well at least I'm not dead yet

    Much about the current state of affars in Australia upsets me. The situations faced by our refugees, the current scandal about Chinese government spies and Falun Gong, our Industrial relations balls up, the lot. I don't blog about it because other writers are doing a much better job than I ever will.

    Today was the last straw though and I need to speak up.
    What was once taken for granted cannot be anymore.
    I'm afraid I'm going to have to dip into what is left of my pitiful pay and get some private health insurance thanks very much Liberal party bunch of cunts.

    Once every 6 months I have standing appointment with the dysplasia clinic at a well know Melbourne hospital. I have been doing this for the last 6 years, at least since I had a test that showed some abnormal cells developing in my body and I was put automatically on a compulsory list that had to attend these appointments

    What normally happens is I get in there on time and wait for 20 - 30mins to see the doctor, be tested and answer some questions about my diet, sexual activities etc. No drama really.

    I'm not sure if it is that I'm more stressed these days and have more time pressures than in the past but when it got to the hour mark I went up to counter and told the attendant I was leaving that I couldn't wait anymore and that I would like to reshedule my appointment.

    She said this "Well love you have only been waiting for an hour, you know that this is a public hospital and you have to wait for an hour or more before you can see the doctor".

    Me - "But my appointment was a ten am? Ok, for my next appointment can I ring and confirm that I have a 10am appointment and arrive at 10.30am instead. Reason being that I get special dispensation from work to come to these appointments.

    Her - "no love you can only be entered as arrived when you are on the premises".

    Me - Ok can I have the first appointment of the day then, I don't mind waiting a few more months to get this spot".

    Her - No love, we only give those appointments to new clients"

    Me - "Is there another clinic I can go to"? (note, does the question mark go inside or outside of the quotations? Skander?)

    Her - "Only if you have private health insurance".

    The tests I am getting are to ensure that early signs of Cervical Cancer are picked up, so women don't have to have uneccessary pain and suffering and in the greater scheme of things, less pressure is put on on our public surgery programs. Good. Prevention is a good thing.

    The doctors in the clinic today were one down because one had a private patient that needed to go into surgery.

    I'm so frustrated by the lack of support being offered to the public hospitals. I'm lucky as that while I'm reluctant, I can afford some modicum of private health cover.
    Millions can't, and need females doctors, need interpreters, are in positions that they will lose their jobs if the have to wait hours to see a doctor and so on.

    I'm probabaly rambling and not making a lot of sense here.

    My main point is - The Howard Government is forcing us into private health cover.

    and I'm pissed becuase I'm now overdue for my checkup by 5 months since I can't get another appointment until October. So Medibank private here I fucking come.

    In order to gain some balance in my view - have any men out there had experience with the public health system specifically aimed at male diseases, cancers? Problems?,longwaiting lists?


    Advice #2


    I'm planning to pose for some photos soon for various reasons.

    So dear reader, please look at the following pictures and let me know what you think is your favourite.

    Also does anyone know a good photographer?


    He's gotta be strong And he's gotta be fast And he's gotta be fresh from the fight

    Sent by The Lovely Superheroine Ranter
    A meme I thought I would post since The Dark Knight is back in cinemas today.

    If you could have one superpower, what would it be and why? (Assume you also get baseline superhero enhancements like moderately increased strength, endurance and agility.)

    I would like the power to read minds, you know like a mentalist.

    or perhaps I could be really really sexy and have men under my control with the specially developed Scullysexalot superpower.

    Which, if any, 'existing' superhero(es) do you fancy, and why?

    Cat Woman - I love pussy especially when it is glamorous like this.

    not like this


    Which, if any, 'existing' superhero(es) do you hate?
    Well none really but I dont like it when there are superheroes in my pants! Unless it is The Dark Knight naturally


    Is there an 'existing' superhero with whom you identify/whom you would like to be?

    I would like to be The Phantom, because I look GREAT in purple and he is on the shady side. Would be a hot match for the Dark Knight.


    What would your superhero name be? (No prefab porn-name formulas here, you have to make up the name you think you'd be proud to mask under.)

    Ladycracker of course. Melter of hearts, warmer of lives, large of ego and breasts

    Pass it on. Three people please, and why they're the wind beneath your wings.
    I won't pass this one on , I'll let people take it if they like it.

    Oh and and by the way.....


    Take me Christian Bale, I'm yours.


    Buddha's Sister Tokeinator

    This one is for you Desci.

  • Dave's not here man
  • 6.14.2005

    wipe 23 years off your life with craptastic plastic!

    Last night young DB came around with TB and SF to celebrate her 33rd birthday. The flattie and her boy organised dinner and well as some other surprises including



    So this is how it works.

    You light a little red dot in the middle of the closed lotus flower causing a little banger to go off.
    The firework lights the candles and they drop down, opening up the flower to look like this.


    And apparently it plays music. Ours didn't unfortunately.

    I swear this Happy Birthday Intelligent Candle is the secret to everlasting life.
    The minute it was lit I was instantly five again.

    My birthday is coming up too and I would like one of these lit everyday as I arise from my sleeping chamber for at least a week.

    Donations of HAPPY BIRTHDAY INTELLIGENT CANDLES can be sent to me via this address

    St Vincents Hospital
    Emergency Ward

    Don't believe me? - check this out


    Hours of Entertainment

    The large amount of work piling up on my desk limits my posting time.

    So ... for your amusement.



    ummm.... did I really say that?

    So the wedding in the country went really well didn't it?

    Left late on Friday night and headed straight for the boozer on arrival for a few drinks with NLI's nearest and dearest.
    This turned into a few more drinks, indepth conversations with state minister's wives and quite possibly the best two games of pool I have played in my entire life.


    I fell over quite publicly and decided to stay out of the limelight after that.

    Got back to the cabins before the old geezer at the pub copped a feel of either mine or of my mate's girl's tits, and settled in to an evening of more booze and sundry items while debating the relative merits of Fu Manchu i.e I think that they are crap and everyone else thinks they are great.

    Of course by this stage the NLI and I are ready for bed - so take off for a bit of quiet time.
    This quiet time continues for some time and into the morning.

    Oh dear - this is whan the story gets little embarrassing.
    Because apparently the walls in this cottage are paper thin and I'm no shrinking violent.
    And the next morning a few of the other guests couldn't look me in the eye!

    Not to worry I think, happens to everyone.

    So off to the wedding we go both looking a million dollars. Wedding goes off without hitch, a lovely ceremony out amongst the vineyards.
    I meet THE SISTERS who seem to like me at this stage, good good all going well.

    Then the speeches start.

    TWO speeches mention the legendary P------ stamina and cheekily refer to NLI's performance the night before. I am mortified because I am standing right next to his mother when these references are being made.

    NLI thinks this is all hilarious because he comes out looking like a sex god. I have to admit it is very funny but also a little embarrassing.

    So the reception went on til all hours and then the animals headed back to our shack for drinking and dancing till dawn.

    NLI snuck off for a very private conversation that doesn't need recounting here. I'm keeping it hidden from view because it contained jewels of clarity that I want to keep for my day dreams.

    It was one of the best weddings I have ever been to, NLI's family is a joy to be around and I look forward to spending more time with them especially a few of the siblings and their partners.

    One item of note - I vow not to wash my car until it rains at length past Ballarat - the landscape is tinder dry, the dams are low and I worry for the farmers.


    Milestone at a marriage

    Well I'm off to the country this weekend to attend a rock and roll wedding.

    The dress is perfect
    The shoes are perfect
    The bag is perfect
    The underwear is perfect
    The jewellery is perfect

    I'm broke.

    I plan to have a lot of sex, drink wine, get in the jacuzzi, take fancypants and avoid the parentals if possible.

    I will be meeting

    5 siblings including THE SISTERS
    and their partners.
    4 cousins
    and their partners
    and 7 aunts and uncles
    10 of the bestest friends - luckily most have met me in various states of sobriety.
    THE PARENTS - well not technically - they did get a 5 minute teeth and haunches check about 3 weeks ago.

    I'm scared of THE SISTERS. In fact I'm a little petrified of THE SISTERS.
    NLI had a bit of a rough time with his last partner so I can envisage this happening.

    "Bitch - don't you fuck with my brother or I'm going to pinch your nipples til you scream".

    But, perhaps that is my imagination getting away from me.

    Wish me luck.


    Damn you blogger

    testing testing....

    Pop, pop, pop music

    Young Sex Goddess Desci wants to make my listmaking day by passing this little gem on to me.

    The usual general rule applies - I will be happy with this list until I see someone else's and I seethe with untold jealousy over their better musical taste.

    Top Five Lyrics that Move Your Heart

    Most lyrics move my heart as my musical taste leans towards the literary. So I'll list my top 5 lyricists instead.

    1. John Lennon

    2. Black Francis/Frank Black

    3. Nick Cave

    4. Morrissey

    5. Bob Dylan

    Top 5 Instrumentals
    Blow me down with copy of High Fidelity - Instrumentals? I'll try my best but since I'm doing this at work it'll be at little sketchy.

    1. All the surf guitar music from Pulp Fiction

    2. Incidental music form Lost Highway

    3. Incidental Music from Muholland Drive

    4. Schubert Piano Trios

    5. Mogwai - lots off come on die young. Can't remember what they are called.

    Top 5 Live Musical Experiences

    Too easy

    1. The Black Keys - Corner Hotel 2005

    2. U2 Zooropa Tour - can't remember what year - front row in a crowd of 50,000. Thank the lord I didn't need to pee

    3. Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds - Melbourne Town Hall, 2005

    4. Faith No More - King For A Day Tour, Festering Hall Brisbane, 1995

    5. Primal Scream - BDO Melbourne 2002

    Honourable Mentions - Sonic Youth, Supergrass, Beastie Boys, Diamanda Galas, Morning After Girls, The Panics, DJ Shadow.

    Honourable disappointment - John Spencer Blues Explosion - every single time.

    Top Five Artists You Think More People Should Listen To

    1. More Aussie Music, it's going off at the moment. Go the green and gold!

    2. Hot Snakes - awesome punk band touring in July.

    3. Diamanda Galas - turns every classic on it's head.

    4. Silence. I am not a wanker. Really. Silence is underappreciated.

    5. Blue States - underrated but wholly beautiful album of last year "The Soundings" has had some serious play. Check it out.

    Top Five Albums You Must Hear From Start to Finish

    1. Nick Cave - No More Shall We Part

    2. Blood On The Tracks - Bob Dylan

    3. Pixies - Surfer Rosa and Come on Pilgrim

    4. David Bowie - Low
    A desolate album from a desolate man.

    5. DJ Shadow - Entroducing
    Restored my faith in modern music from the opening note. Thanks Shadow

    Top Five Musical Heroes

    1. John Lennon - I don't know whether to laugh or cry about John. Made some wonderful music that still brings me to tears.

    2. Kim Deal - I wanted to be just like her. Hurry up and tour dammit!

    3. Nick Cave, really do you have to ask?

    4. Morrisey, hmmmm flowers

    5. Dave Grohl - Adaptable, I like that, and thanks to his drumming on Songs for the Deaf, the album will become a rock classic.

    And you guys?
    Le Driver and

    Your tagged.


    3000 ways to say I love you

    A sign of true dedication.

    Turn up at your sick girlfriends house, on your only day off after a 14 hour stock take.

    Bring soup.

    Heat up soup and present to girl with a roll.

    Do the dirty dishes that have been sitting there for TWO DAYS.

    After the soup give your girl a crostini - "because you have eat more"

    Rub her back and kiss her neck.

    Make sure she is warm.

    Get your daughter to do funny dances for her and sing songs to make her laugh.

    Promise to visit again soon.