Stepmotherly Pride

Last night 4 and 6 arrived home with some very exciting news. 6 had received a student of the week award for "excellent literary skills" and 4, well, she was covered in stickers of "excellence". What for?


....

BEST ZULU DANCER AT KINDER.

My heart bursts.

Clucking

Items of note from a Hens Party. 26/8/2006

1. 35 people make an awful racket, particularly after a few glasses of champagne.
2. If you wear a fluffy tiara, yes, you will look like a bloody hen.
3. No, I can't jump puddles.
4. Some gorgeous people inculding a small group of lovely bloggers came. You know who you are. Thanks.
5. You will be very suprised by who will buy you plastics straws shaped like cocks.


I had a fantastic time, bersmirched briefly by one person acting out in a very surprising way. Not directly at me, but at someone who doesn't deserve such treatment. I know as a veteran host of parties attended by 5 to 250 that you can't control everything all the time, it is just a shame that someone used my happy event to unload some of their own power issues on my guests.

So onwards we go to the big event..... 19 days and counting. Apart from what I hope will be a beautiful day, I also have three weeks of sun and surf to go along with it.

Short and Sweet

A quick one today.


I went and saw Kenny last night. What I thought was going to a be a 90 minute poo joke actually turned out to be one of the sweetest films I have seen in a long time. Kenny is a character that is easy to fall in love with and I was just about cheering from my seat at the end. If you are looking for a laugh I highly suggest this one.

16th to 16th

Brussels Sprouts - Healthy and Delicious!




Four weeks and a bit til the big day!

Last minute preparations are busily coming together, anxiety dreams are being had, Brussels sprouts are a LARGE part of my daily diet and the wedding day timeline is forming under the iron clad fist of my dormant stage manager skills.

Two interesting side effects have arisen during this time. One, I cannot make a decision without at least a full day of deliberation and the advice of at least eight people which is alien to snap judgement Ladycracker and secondly, we are as poor as church mice.

We are doing this whole thing on the sort of budget that would get us into the the "quirky" section of the glossy wedding mags. not that this matters to me, I'm down to earth, I don't require eight bridesmaids and metres of lace in order to feel that I'm properly marking the occasion. However, even the most simple items can run into thousands. So for all those brides out there who need oxygen after even opening a bridal magazine here is a list of ways that we have found to cut corners.

1. Have your ceremony and reception after lunch. Those pesky guests should have already stuffed themselves so you won't need to supply as much food.

2. Feed them some nice wine to start but move on to the cheaper after round three. They will be pissed and won't notice.

3. Lose the bridesmaids and groomsman. I only have a witness and it makes for hassle free organisation

4. Get you gift registry at a travel agent and get you guests to pay for your honeymoon rather than receiving stuff for the house that you won't use.

5. Never tell a florist that you need flowers for a wedding. Say it is a for your mother's sixtieth and the price will improve.

6. Try on your corsetry in a lovely shop lingerie shop for instance, get your sizing and get what you want for a 1/4 of the price on Ebay. Exactly the same style and brand mind you. I feel a little bad for actually doing this but hey what can I say? I'm a cheap ass broide.

7. Bonbonniere is a ridiculous wedding industry fabrication. Lose it and save yourself some time and effort. Unless you do something cool like a mixed CD like two of my mates did.

So there you have some very easy ways to save a few pennies. All our saved cash is going toward more booze and food for the guests because even though MLI and I will be having a blast, I want our guests to have a great time as well and if that means getting them boozed up and stuffed to the gills with gourmet BBQ then so be it.

CAR

In another effort to bring this blog up to date with the Adventures of Ladycracker, I shall tell you a little story about my birthday.

MLI, a blessed man and the best thing to happen to me since birth truly knows how to surprise a girl. For my birthday this year he bought me a CAR!



See? How lovely is that? Well, it is a second hand little tootle box, but it is all mine and has a working heater and stereo, so to me it spells utter luxury. The car I had before that, which I cheerfully sent off to the wreckers with a light heart and a royal wave was a 1984 Nissan Prairie that my ex and I bought off a pair of lesbians for $500.00.



See?

And this photo is of a Nissan Prairie in not such bad form. Mine was plastered with rude band stickers and had a tail light that we held on by gaffer tape and frankly it looked like an emo kid's first car, and, was starting to get embarrasingly loud and conspicous when dropping 4 and 6 at their respective day time holding pens.

MLI installed the stereo, got me 12 months registration and filled the petrol tank before presenting me with my new love, the Red Rocket, the weekend before my birthday. So, the question now is.. what do I get for his upcoming birthday to even get close to comparing with that?

GRANNY UNDIES

Remaining readers, I'm going to tell you a little story about embarrassment.

Ready?

OK

I'm getting married and gosh I'm so damn excited about it I could bust. However, in an effort to be the sylphlike woman of my dreams I have been busting a gut at the gym to get some DEFINITION and guess what? is it working. This gym regime has put me a little behind in my dress preparations though, hence the following event...


I had booked a fitting with my lovely dressmaker Kendall at her place. Lovely Kendall works with me and at lunch time I received a panicked phone call.

"Ladycracker, I can't do your fitting tonight".
"Well that is ok, what about you come over to my office at 5 and we do it here? Office mate is away and General Manager isn't here either.. the coast is clear".

So the plan is set.

At 5.00pm precisely I was standing in my office in the largest pair of sucker - me - in granny undies and a rather charming BEIGE bullet shaped 50's bra. My in-an-emergency underwear that I'm using until my tres sexy corsetry arrives.
So, in the office, bullet shaped bra, granny undies, arms and legs akimbo and a rather attractive lady with her head around my crotch when in walks....

THE GENERAL MANAGER. WHAT IS HE DOING HERE? WHY DOESN'T HE KNOCK?

Good lord, what do these things always happen to me? So as you can imagine after many red faces, screams, ineffective bullet breast covering and a dressmaker rolling around on the floor laughing some sort of equilibrium was restored.

Although I still can't look my general manager in the eye.

Let see how long this lasts

Hello there.

I've climbed a mountain and come down the other side.
How are you all doing out there? Miss anything?