Items that make life worth living
He seems to be developing one of those very thick growth rings aournd his trunk at the moment and experiencing that familiar "what the fuck am I doing here" post trip trauma, bless. We talked for a long time about all the things that happened to each other during our separation especially his new found sexual confidence and my swing from bordering on alcoholic/sex addict behaviours of late last year due to (PSS) post sister stress to the current glow of new relationship/life is good, I am great, what was I even worrying about? expansiveness
It was good to speak to him as P rarely shies away from asking himself the deeper questions and frankly any one who listens to my theory of eternal happiness must be a mate. (theory entails - go forward, laugh hard, keep your heart open, flex your mind, love yourself, don't take it too seriously, existence is equal parts pleasure and pain etc etc)
Importantly, the conversation made me realise just how far forward in my life I have come from the terrible feelings I had last year. But, since my sister and her partner (my ex) are yet to have the baby I'm sure that I have a lot more feelings to process and decisons to make. For instance the biggest question facing me at the moment is - how much involvment should I have in the life of the as yet unborn child? How will I reconcile my familial love with a deep seated and not quite fully healed anger that I still have towards my sister and to a lesser extent my ex?
This post is much deeper than usual as my rekindled desire for new things, friendships and intimacy are bringing some of these issues to the surface again. This is not post of depression at all more of a idle wandering through some questions I think I have put off for too long. For levity, here, look at this picture to take your mind off things
Oh and for those who found this post terminally boring I suggest the following blogs of "new on my radar" interest. Just find em in the links
The Cruddy Awards (guess who entered?)