Wedding Update 2: House of Moshe

Fuck, you'd think that nothing else exciting was happening in my bloody life wouldn't you? Well, as it happens, there is but it is far too early to start spreading the news about that yet. Stay tuned for a birth* of a different kind.

So, this week the search for the dress started and so far badly. I just dragged a male coworker into a shop on Sydney Rd for a quick scan of hemlines (all too long for me) and prices($$$$!!!!!), and was quickly picked as a troublemaker and told kindly not to drag the dresses along the ground by a shop woman with the cold eyes of killer. "Do not fuck with me" was hidden in every syllable she breathed at me.

Anyway, the quick scan proved fruitless and I have made a few bookings for Saturday in the hopes of finding something I like so I can at least describe the fabric to the dressmaker. I don't think "ummm, it was sort of shiny but sorta not" is GOING TO CUT IT PEOPLE.

And so, I have made an appointment with the wonderfully named HOUSE OF MOSHE, which makes me think of this..

having babies with this..

Please god, let it be a sign.

*not a baby ALRIGHT!


How come?

I can get up before 9, make love with MLI, have cuddles with the girls, get breakfast, shower, dress, do the food shopping (in three stages), bake cupcakes, visit friends, go swimming, watch Animal Farm, ponder the capitalist vs communist problem, plus what I will write on my wedding invitations, make chickpea and pumpkin tagine, and an 18 ingredient caponata plus 15 fish fingers, rice for three days and steamed veges, clean up the bomb that is the kitchen after my experimentation, do the usual evening routine with the girls, and yet...

and yet...


I still get my arsed whipped at memory?


Wedding Update 1: Charge of the Bridezilla

As promised, Fridays will be a very special Wedding Edition of Ladycrackerland. Let's kick it off with the good stuff shall we?

Since the proposal MLI's family has been nothing but great. I feel all warm and glowy inside because his sisters have been so lovely towards me, offering to help with all the little details. It serves as a reminder, not only do I get an unspeakably hot, sexy, wonderful husband to play with, I get 11 brothers and sisters as well. I'm already envisaging retirement-age Gin Rummy weekends somewhere nice in the country with them all.

Venue is booked.
Celebrant is booked.
Honeymoon registry isn't far off.
Food is sorted (Gourmet BBQ)
Attendants are sorted i.e none.
Guest list is drawn up and final.
Dress shopping commences next week.
Invites are being designed this weekend.
so really..

All I need is flowers for my bouquet and hair and makeup. Any suggestions would be received gratefully. Oh, and underwear to make his mind melt.

I want to get these clips for my hair to go with the bounty of red delights I'll be wearing there.

Good, the anxiety dreams are going away and I'm relaxing into the arrangements. A few worries about my family and where they are going to stay and if they will all be able to come remain. But really, I'm having a ball - I'm organising a big party and it is going to be fabulous!

B is for Bolt

This weekend I will be taking an active role in this, as pooh poohed by him, a fact that I find barely worth commenting on as he has no sense of research and should be pitied really.
If you are coming along to have a look and are keen to spot the public face of Ms Ladycracker, look out for red toes!


So no Orange?

Listen up you...

and you..

and all the others

The Chinese are onto you.


A for Anxiety

(Dear readers, I promise to restrain myself from writing about Bridal shenanigans everyday. Maybe I'll just recap on Fridays.)

Thought One: Every single night since MLI proposed I have had a terrifying anxiety dream, ranging from the "I'm getting married in Safeway, how strange, oooh I forgot to paint my toe nails" scenario through to last night's "vagina dripping blood, unable to clean up" horror show.

Has anyone else had experience with this? I have no reason for this anxiety as I am thrilled to be making this step.

Thought Two: 4 and 6 bought me a deluxe manicure and pedicure for Christmas, which I was only able to enjoy this weekend. As I walked into the treatment room, the owner caught sight of my ring and pronounced "OOOOH, YOU ARE CONFORMING!!!".

What is all that about? bitter divorce?, secret lesbian crush on yours truly?, Leader of society against engagement rings? Let me add, the woman was every inch the Camberwell woman i.e ...


Ok, Shoes and Dress

I am not turning into a Bridezilla.

I am not turning into a Bridezilla.

I repeat, I am not turning into a Bridezilla.


From the dress below, subtract everything above the armpit and you have a vague idea of the shape of my dress.

and here are the shoes, already purchased and might I add, make my legs look like the most sensational bits of goodness ever.



HERE IT IS......

In the early hours of Sunday morning, while listening to the brilliant Arcade Fire album "Funeral", MLI presented me with a stunning ring and asked me to marry him.

*faints with excitement*

*purchases bridal magazine*

*shakes head in disbelief*

Truly, the man makes my heart flutter, my girly bits catch on fire and my face break from smiling so hard. I look forward to regaling you all with stories of impending nuptials.


F##king Brilliant

Those Fucksters, they're funny fucking girls aren't they? Today's blog post comes care of their little patch of fucking brilliance. My fragile mind needs a boost today. You can do that by visiting thissite

Oh and by the way - I HAVE SOMETHING VERY EXCITING TO TELL YOU ALL. But, you are going to have to wait just a little bit longer.

What a bitch I am hmmmm?


Ringleader of the Tormentors

I'm listening to a wonderful album with such brilliantly titled songs as:

Dear God, Please Help Me
I'll Never Be Anyone's Hero Now
You Have Killed Me
and my favourite
Life Is A Pigsty

Yes, the master has returned and created an album of great beauty.


Sharing the Love

What a week. How many good things can happen?

Firstly, that master of satire Sterne has had a baby!
My best friend has had a baby!
My other best friend is in love!
My other friend is in love!
MLI and I celebrate ONE WHOLE YEAR of making the smoochy eyes at each other


I found this site. I love this site with my whole heart.

Here. To illustrate how happy I am....

Have a good weekend y'all.



We met straight after I had my first taste of acid. Straight after J had pashed off with MC and T had stuck her tongue down GM’s throat.

I didn’t say anything to you until the next day at the next party. We sat under a tree for three hours. Me signally with my eyes, “kiss me, kiss me, and please kiss me”. Eventually you did, just as the fire truck arrived.

School was over and I was off on pilgrimage. Swimming every day in the ocean and fending off the moods of 8 girls in a house, unsure of even why I was there. J waves to me from the shore.

“Someone is here to see you”

You were sitting on the beach. Looking like something out of Wolfmother way before it was even remotely cool. A packet of Winnie Whites, I was thankful since my Austudy was still three days away. You had picked tomatoes for two days for petrol money, driven to the vague location I had said I would be three hours from home and waited on the beach for me to arrive.

I won’t lie, I was freaked.

You came back to our house and in my gauche way I tried to be mysterious. I could see I had taken it the wrong way already. I bummed cigarettes and acted cool and distant. You were very quiet and still. We decided to go to a movie and I refused to ride in your car. I was thankful for when the lights went down and the movie started but you were no where to be seen.

When we left the movie a note was on the car window.

“I’ve gone, take it easy”

I’m sorry. I hope you forgive me.


I'm Sorry.
You were only eight, as was I. You wanted to be nice to me and gave me a Christmas card. Secretly I thought you were very cute and did what every girl my age would do.

I ripped up the card.

Here's hoping that you forgive me.