What not to do

Dear Australia,
Please excuse little Johnny from attending Humanity 101 today. He isn't feeling very well. No doubt a spot of sunshine, fresh air and some beer will see him right.

Kind regards
Little Johnny's Mother.

See the whole sorry story here

Any shreds of respect I may have held for our Prime Minister are now gone. Hope the Windies thrash us and reduce you and your small minded, clearly shrivelled self to a pool of tears.


Take five!

Ummm..... Sterne passed me on this meme. I'm sorry I just can't help myself. I love lists.

Read on....

10 Years Ago:
I was at uni in Brisbane studying to be a journo, I was working in a 7 - 11. I lived in a house that cost $33.00 a week in rent. I got stoned, drunk and worse for fun. I listened to Sisters Of Mercy, The Misfits, The Meanies, The Smiths, Faith No More and NIN a lot. I wore vintage Chanel lookalike suits with fishnet stayups decorated with roses at the top. These were clearly visible as my skirts were waaaay short. I had black Louise Brooks bobbed hair and toward the end of the year I wore lots of red lipstick. I was a "university lesbian".

5 Years Ago:
I met my first long term partner and we broke up in 2004 (you all know the rest) I got around in kooky eyeglasses and large Queen Latifah style turbans. I lived in a house that was $100.00 a week rent. I was Djing a lot and had a residency at a lesbian Drag King club every Friday. I worked as waitress and a sales rep for a Melbourne street press. I was listening to heaps of 70's soul sisters, Erykah Badu, Bette Davis, and electropop stuff like Electrelane, Looper, Princess Superstar and Peaches. Happy with my lot.

1 Year Ago:
Blogging, suffering though a terrible crisis that I thought would do me in. Drinking, Drugging and Fucking. Trying to find meaning in it all. Listening to very sad music. I was living in house that was $250.00 a week rent.

Five Yummy Things
Champagne, MLI's kisses, Cadbury's Milk Chocolate topping, really good olives, red wine

Five songs I know by heart:
I'm going with Sterne on this - I'll have to do Albums too.
Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders From Mars - David Bowie
Ok Computer - Radiohead
Horses - Patti Smith
In It For The Money - Supergrass
The White Album - The Beatles

Five things I would do with a LOT of money:
Buy my mum, dad, brother and sister a house.
Give money to my beautiful friends to sit on their asses and write masterpieces.
Commission Camille Rose Garcia to paint my portrait.
Take Ninja lessons
Donate a shitlaod of money and time to AIDS research

oh! and just one more
Call me elitist but I would love to revive the artists' salons of old...

Five things I would never wear:
Bib and brace overalls
one piece bathers
slouchy boots
Any tshirts promoting a band just for the "cool" factor. Posers feck off

Five favourite TV shows:
Six Feet Under
The Office
Nighty Night
Alan Partidge

Five things I enjoy doing:
Listening to music.
Discovering new art
Seeing bands
Looking fabulous

Five people I want to inflict this on:

Melbourne Girl - do tell says the curious
Brisbane Window - because it will be filthy
Desci - Sure to be funny
Fluffy, because she loves a meme
Spirit Fingers - because I want to see how she will twist this inside out.

No shooting backwards

I love this place A very happy tenth anniversay to one of the best drinking holes in Melbourne and one that I can truly say was my local.

Over the years I have had many a drunken night here and witnessed some incredible live music. Off the top of my head these are some of the memories I have:

The Black Keys 2005 : Without a doubt the best gig I went to this year. Lovely fellows too.
People Under the Stairs: Horrible hotel room, good gig
Marky Ramone Spoken Word gig
Hilltop Hoods
The Drones
The Mess Hall
The Loveslaps
Hot Snakes
Music Vs Psychics
Dan Brodie and the Broken Arrows

The list goes on but my memory fails. Perhaps it was all the drinking that I did but anyway thanks for such a great venue Richmond!!


Just doing my Job


Australia's favourite envelope opener can finally say she has made it in the only way that truly counts.

Today she is featured on Go Fug Yourself. Click here for the snark.


Who needs chocolate?

I've been feeling a little uninspired of late and have been sitting at my desk working though the minutiae of my job today thinking, "I need a boost".

When.. A huge bunch of flowers land on my desk and a message is left on my phone. "Don't book up your weekend too much baby, we are off to the coast instead." What a lovely surprise!

A welcome respite from the tedium of November.



I collected the mail recently and came across an unusual thing... a letter addressed to me without the tell tale logo of a utility company/looming bill/fee schedule/call to give more, more, more. Instead I opened my mysterious envelope to find a little paper bluebird and the message "Bluebirds are happiest on windowsills".

The message was sent to me by my artistic friend Rachel Baxendale and since inquiring minds want to know, this is what she has to say about it.

The blue birds are a part of my phd project..in which I am creating and exploring symbols. The symbol of the blue bird comes from a painting my grandfather painted which was hung in the sunroom of his house. As a child I would sit with this blue bird for hours..I would chat to it and we became good friends.

The project is still developing..but the basic idea of the symbol of the bluebird is friendship. I have a bird box full of blue birds which I keep in my room. When looking through the box at the birds I may think of someone and then that bird becomes their bird (more that they become the guardian of the bluebird - cos blue birds must be free). birds have been posted..given..and delivered (late night installations on people's front windows).

The other main aspect is in the exploration of my own relationship to my art. This is the first time I have given art to a wide audience based mostly on whim. At first it was difficult to give...as there was an element of self-consciousness in the way in which it would be received and held. I want my art to be valued, cared for and respected.

So in a sense I am testing the boundaries as to how much I can open up my art to other people. I have always held it so close. I have also started to invite people to come over and look through the bird box and find birds for people who are special to them...this has been confronting but a rewarding process. after all the blue bird is a symbol of friendship and freedom...and in this way the process of the art reflects its meaning.

I am also looking at the rich history of the symbol of the bluebird. Bluebirds have been given for so many years,as bracelets from mother to daughter, as a symbol of freedom, as cards: the bluebird of happiness.

I think this is one of the most terrifically hopeful artistic gestures I have been in contact with, it reminds me of the sweeter street stencilling, it promises much to me for something so little. Also, Rachel's bluebird was the first mail I received after moving in with MLI and this instils in me a great sense of happiness and I foresee good fortune for us.

So Rachel, this post today was to say thank you. I hope you are well.


roku, shichi, hachi

The ever interesting Richard Watts has tagged me with this meme. To celebrate my current mood, a Codrallled up, tight jawed anxiety I will tell you twenty things about me using brevity as my guide.

I'm kind of dorky
I like to laugh
My favourite flower is Lily
My favourite perfume is Hypnotic Poison
My favourite film is The Hunger
My favourite composer is Shubert
My favourite food icecream
My favourite band Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds
My favourite modern artist is Camille Rose Garcia
My favourite poet is Sean M Whelan
My favourite writer is Margaret Atwood or Brett Easton Ellis
My greatest achievement is yet to come
My favourite activity is cleaning out my handbag
My least favourite things to do is wash clothes
The last person I rang was MLI
The last CD I listened to was Bell Orchestre's "Recording A Tape The Colour Of The Light"
The last film I saw was "Me You and Everyone We Know"
I am a member of a union
I believe in tolerance and compassion
Today I am wearing green and black striped underwear.



The price of being hip
By Denise Winterman
BBC News Magazine

Trousers practically round the knees and sports shirts the size of a two-man tent, hip-hop has spawned many fashion trends. So don't cut the price tag off your new hat just yet.
"She was like 'do you realise you've still got the price tag on your hat?' I was like 'yeah, it's fashion'. She just walked off like she was a bit scared."

One of the UK's most promising hip-hop artists, Sway, recalls a recent encounter in the street with an elderly woman.

What the pensioner confused for absent mindedness is the latest fashion trend to be adopted by the hip-hop fraternity. At last week's Urban Music Awards in London, price tags were swinging from most of the baseball caps being worn.

Like so many hip-hop trends before, it is all about putting your wealth on show for all to see.

Read the rest here

Just show you all how I hip I am this is the sort of tags I'd be blowing you mind with if I followed this trend. Let's start with the feet

Shoes and Socks: pink and brown loafers. Slightly rockabilly, slightly preppy. black socks
KACHING! - $34.95

Pants: Jeans, from a warehouse sale, Butt looks just peachy in them. Nondescipt Sportsgirl belt bought when dropped some kilos quickly.
KACHING! $79.95

Top: Black Saba tube top, bought to wear with a very expensive dress for a wedding. An essential in my wardrobe now I don't know how I lived without it.
KACHING! - $50.00

Sweater: 1950's secretary pink wool sweater. Op shop special
KACHING! $5.00

So in total I would be flashing $169.90 which probably puts me in this category....




And in other news....


Not easy


If a child invited you to an event and you said you would go but then someone blocked your path and you were being asked to renege...

what would you do?


India? really?


Me and Mrs Jones

MLI celebrated his birthday on the weekend and I must say I spoiled us both rotten.

We ate Asparagus with Egg Ravioli, Pork Belly, Sirloin with Garlic Butter and Salted Chicken with Spring Vegies here, drinking a very special number from here.
A completely delicious, romantic meal was had and I highly recommend Mrs Jones for an evening out.

After dinner and the purchase of THE WORLD"S BEST BOOK, I presented MLI with his gifts.




Naturally, I too will benefit from these gifts! I also went all Suzy Homemaker and baked a cake with the ubiquitous "HAPPY LIFE INTELLIGENT CANDLE" from Victoria Street that we ate yesterday, lighting the candles again so that the girls could each have a go blowing out the candles.

Much fun.



All little girls love their fathers.
Here is a few facts about mine.

When I was little he used to pretend to be a gorrilla and chase me down the hallway scaring me shitless.

He is quite the MSN messenger junkie making it difficult for him to communicate around the dinner table.

I walk and stand like him.

He wears glasses as does every member of my immediate family

He likes Wilbur Smith and Jeffrey Archer.

He likes Nana Mouskouri and The Seekers.

So why all the about a father? Well my father had the pleasure of meeting MLI about a week ago over dinner and to be honest it didn't go as smoothly as planned. I'm a fully functioning adult who has been pretty self sufficient since I was 17. Yet, my heart is torn in two ways when I see my father. The first way is the protective mother in me that wants me to see him happy and healthy in his retirement. The part that has alarms going every time he opens his mouth. The second feeling is irritation that even though I'm almost 30, I'm sure that the dinner didn't go well because Dad does not approve of me having a partner. I don't think he has ever really liked many of my boyfriends and thankfully he didn't meet my one long term girlfiend and a number of uni boyfriends!

I'm hoping that Dad and MLI will get to know each other over time and Dad will move out from under the protective cover of the computer. Until then, I'll pull the conversational rabbit out of the hat for the delight of the family.




Something new tomorrow, I promise.