7.29.2005

THE BACKLASH

Example

NOTE: IF you are at all icky about head lice please do not read this post

Haven't posted much about the wonderful MLI lately and all the amazing things he does to make my life better.
i.e. bought me a half dozen bottle of very quaffable merlot and a fluffy white bathrobe as a housewarming present for me - in his new house. "I just want to make you feel at home baby". HELLO, the man is the HOTNESS

Digressing sorry,

So while just about everything in this relationship is fantastic and I pinch myself every day for being blessed with such a lovely partner, we do have a little dark cloud hanging over our heads.

MLI has two children from his last relationship, they are a joy and each time I see them I grow to love them more and more. But, his ex is quite a scary woman and does not like me although she has never met me as the following may demonstrate.


So I got a call from MLI yesterday..

Me - "Hi honey how are you.... (edited for discretion)
MLI - "Not good, I got a text from Dragon Lady this morning and this is what it said".

Hi. The girls have come home from yours with lice, I have washed their hair, clothes and bedding and I suggest that you do the same. IS YOUR GIRLFRIEND CLEAN?

Me - "Oh My God, she thinks that I gave them lice? Does she not think that M---- might have got them from school? What is with her?"

MLI - "Don't worry darling she just says those things to push buttons"

---------------------------------------------------------------------

So I'm being branded as an UNCLEAN GIRL INFESTED WITH HEAD LICE.

Naturally I have been itchy ever since this conversation and gave myself a good dousing in anti lice medication last night. I guess that this is one of the less pleasant aspects of semi/quasi/could be in the future - stepmothering.

To be honest I'm trying hard not to pry into what the ex is like or how she is with the girls. I'm human though and sometimes my competitive streak arks up.

For instance.

The other morning the girls and I were lying in bed having a snuggle and discussing cake baking. So I asked them:

"How does your mummy make cakes"
"She puts it all in a bowl, eggs and milk, then we get to lick the bowl and the spoon".

From this I can only surmise that she makes cakes from scratch - I can't do that! The last time I made a cake it was a pudding shaped disaster.
So if anyone can suggest a good cake recipe/cheat sheet please direct it this way.

7.28.2005

SO POST MODERN

Example


A moving post regarding Interpol's Melbourne Concert at the Metro Nightclub last night

3.45pm: Hey Trophy Wives - good luck with the slam tonight, sorry I can't make it but I'm due for a gang bang with Interpol, laters..

10.00pm: Yay! I have met Sterne for the first time! And they have saved a booth!, who said that blogging was not a worthy pastime?

10.30pm: Ooooooooh pretty lights, moody vocals, sexy boys, nice suits, !!!!!!!!!!! pant wettingly exciting times indeed.

11:45pm: As MLI stated this morning - " you went from this charmingingly uncool girl to this strange girl talking in code and banging on about - what is it blogging? - politics. I was a bit frightened really"

11.55pm: I say with flushed cheeks "Hey Sterne I have the best idea for a post tomorrow, mine will be waaaay cooler than yours".

9.00am: Goddammit! Where is that damn "Which member of Interpol are you?" quiz that I did a few months ago I can't find it on Google anywhere. FAAARRRRK! This ruins my whole posting premise. How annoying.

9.45am: Ok definitely can't find it, better give up and go back to the other idea


So here we go....

Interpol rocked the goddamn house last night. I had one of my fave bloggers for company along with MLI and the PIC (Partner in Crime, see post below).

I loved every bit of it but these are the highlights.

1. Mick Molloy is a Interpol fan! He needs a bath and a shave!
2. The Metro toilets are specifically designed so that I can keep the door closed with my outreached leg if the lock is broken!
3. I didn't have to line up at the bar!
4. I didn't spend money on band mechandise! Perhaps my addiction is cured!
5. Sterne!
6. Daniel's Beautiful Guitar!
7. Pauls Everything!
8. Carlos D's Hair!
9. The Lighting!
10.The Music!

So..

in the words on one of our most famous diarists
...

Example

last night was ACE people.

(Aah Jeez that was shit Sterne I hope that you can do better).

7.27.2005

IN THE OFFICE

I share my office with one other person. She is one of the greatest people I have ever met.

Example
Almost as good as Magda from Ab Fab

SHE IS EFFICIENT
Example: She has changed her lunchtime sandwich order to reflect mine. This way it take half the time to order and it comes to exactly 5 dollars.

SHE IS INSPIRATIONAL
Example: Works like a dog to get everything done, brainstorming at 100 miles an hour.

SHE IS LOYAL
Example: Fed me bottles of wine when I took a bad turn back in October 2004. Hates the people I hate even though there is no need.

SHE IS TASTEFUL
Example: Huge CD collection, DJ talents and book lover.

SHE IS A GOOD DRINKING PARTNER
Example: It is always us two at the end of the night sucking back scoobs somewhere dodgy.

SHE IS FUNNY
Example: While maybe not up to the standard of the gems on this site This little pearler left her mouth today.

"Oh for fucks sake can you get S****** of my back? she is bleeding my arse dry"


GOLD.

7.26.2005

A LOVE LETTER TO A GINGER HAIRED PRINCE

Example


Dear Josh
Wow, you really rock
I saw you last night at the Palace in St Kilda.
You look like you might have lost some weight?
I miss your man boobies.
You are the ginger headed prince of rock
Who looks like a quarterback
or maybe ex army.
Gosh I love you.
Woud you like to come to my place for dinner?


Another sterling performance from one of my all time favourite bands Queens of the Stone Age.
I could even overlook the crap venue that is the Palace, the old boiler in front of me attempting murder with her perfume and the slight fear that I hadn't put enough money in the parking meter. (no ticket thankfully)

The back drop this year was a cartoon forest that looked great against the lighting scheme which cetainly improved as the show went on.
But my favourite things about Queens? - Long sets, surprising arrangements and a no nonsense approach to the encore. Great tour tshirts and clear tight sound hallmarking the professionalism underlying the shambolic nature of the band.

And my darling, the ginger haired prince - Josh Homme, the man sure can play guitar.

7.25.2005

THE UNSUNG HEROES OF TV : WOMEN

Influences abound in my list below of the hottest things on telly right now.

Example
HAZEL BAILEY - FOOTBALLER'S WIVES

Quite possibly the best character on English TV. Hazel Bailey Chairman of Sparks FC, drinks and smokes for England, has a Warholesque type picture of herself behind her desk, enjoys a night out on the fancy pants and repeatedly tries to seduce the wives of her beloved footballers. Cockney accented, ball busting red headed goddess.

Example
SUMMER - THE OC

I've come to like this series quite late in the piece and it is all because of the very very hot Summer. Looks great in a variety of Comic Girl action outfits and has a wisdom that belies her years. Her angst is better than Beverly Hill 90210, Grange Hill and Degrassi put together.
And...
the on off shenanigans with Seth tickle my fancy no end. GO TEEN ANGST.


Example
FENELLA KERNEBONE - THE MOVIE SHOW

Fucking sexy chick this one, the first time I saw her in the flesh I couldn't stop looking at her eyelids and practically apopolexed with jealousy. The only reason I watch The Movie Show except for Jay Katz and his funny disdainful treatment of Megan Spencer.

Example
CARMELLA SOPRANO - THE SOPRANOS

HOT damn gorgeous mafia mother, Tony doesn't know how good he has it. Makes great food, looks great in a twinset and thin belt, breaks the hearts of men all around. God Bless her and her New Jersey accent, big hair and strict hand with her rotten kids. If she ever decides to leave Tony there is a safe haven at my place.




The women of TV, loved by yours truly. They hold my hand on those lazy nights in front of the box and inspire me to be a better person. By taking the best characteristics on those above and combining them to create a superwoman of TV we would end up with...

Example
LEE LEE CHIN - SBS NEWS

Smart, Sexy, Possibly Prone To Teen Angst, Great Eyelids, Lesbian PinUp Girl Who Doesn't Mince Words, Has Great Fashion Sense And Would Whip You Into Shape,Using Her Iron Will, Faster Than You Can Say Spaghetti.

7.21.2005

PR WENCH

Right, still frantically busy with my guest but some quick things to say.

PR Wenches often need to do a number of things to keep the talent happy.

this week I have:
Driven halfway around Sydney looking for a noodle bar at midnight - not as easy as you think.
Been drug mule and I was checked for bombs while holding said drugs in underpants.
Made 120 phone calls in less than two days.
Wheedled, prodded, poked and generally tried to wring promises out of our nation's media.
Met one of the loveliest girls ever - she works for 2SER and I have a *crush*.
Smiled patiently when I wanted to wring my boss' neck with her constant checking up on me.
Met Ben from the 'gurge what a lovely chappie and naturally texted Desci immediately to fill her in. I'm afraid Desci not much to report there.
And the frenzhal boys.
And Greg Araki, superfit, super intelligent and superhot - another crush jayzus.
And finally Blackie and Ray from The Hard Ons. Without gushing and crapping on about my "yoof" thankfully.
bought a really cool cold drink dispenser for $4.00 in Bondi. It is sitting on my desk looking beautiful right now.

AND......

Played with my new camera!!! The everloving MLI got all the loaded hints I dropped and came up with the goods.
The days of google image search may be put on hold
Or maybe not.

I also celebrated the strangest birthday of my life - spending it with two complete strangers at the aquarium and then checking out War of the Worlds. It wasn't bad but I hope it is not a precursor for my year...


ALONE IN A ROOM SURROUNDED BY SHARKS OR ON THE EDGE OF DESTRUCTION AND UNDER ATTACK BY ALIENS.







CHANNELLING ANGELINA

SUPPORT THE FINE POETS OF VICTORIA, INCLUDING MY PERSONAL FAVES, EMILIE ZOEY BAKER AND SEAN M WHELAN

7.18.2005

god I love her
aaaah young love
gorgeous people
me and the fella
cooor she's a bit HOTTTTT!
more champas here please
me and my favourite eccentric xxxx
two lovely friends
the work crew

Did you miss me?

The creative juices are flowing freely once more.

Stay tunes for some brilliant, daresay groundbreaking posts from your truly in the coming weeks.
For now though be content with the following small snippet of information.


1.I had a birthday dinner. PHOTOS will follow.

alas, work is top priority this week once more and I'm off to Sydney for few days to sweet talk the nation's media, hang out with a man with dreads and generally cajole, wheedle, beg and plead for a living all without breaking a sweat I hope.

Such is the life of PR wench.

Try not to miss me too much.


7.11.2005

Annual Leave

Example


I'm taking time off.

But before I go, news of my latest obsession.

I HEART POKER.

See you next week

XXXX Ladycracker

7.08.2005

Bomb

What the fuck is going on? I'm scared.

This is just terrible.

A terrible waste of everyday lives

What a fucking catastrophe.

My thoughts go out to those who are suffering and to anyone who has friends and family in London.
pre alcohol loveliness
more girlies

give me more wine dammit
girlies who love country music unite
don't hate me because I'm beautiful
dinner with the cultural elite

some facts

My musings this week;

I have not had an alcoholic drink in a week, Wow is this what it feels like?

If I can do aqua aerobics in pool FULL OF LOCAL FOOTBALLERS, I can do anything.

Gee, I look terrible in a bathing cap.

I'm just not narky enough am I? Goddamn why was I born so bloody cynicism free....

Footballer's Wives season 4 is really over the top, highly addictive and possibly threatening to my required eight hours sleep a night.

Some people are just too hot for words. read: Angelina, I'll have your baby.

Ooh, do you think that would make a cool tshirt?

I'm going to see Hot Snakes tonight - yay!!!

My hair looks fantastic at the moment, Christ I'm hot.

I can't believe I lost my Rough Trade tshirt, that is so unfair.

Hooray I'ved saved $200 I'm going CD shopping!

I bought my first piece of art, I feel all good inside.

Better pay for that then I guess?

How much am I going to get back in tax this year?

Where should I go on my holidays?

New couch or massage table?

hmmmmm..........


Have good weekend
No doubt after breaking my alcohol free streak Monday's post will be filled with much excitement.



7.06.2005

Birthday Present Number one

The always awesome Barclay has provided Present Number One.

Two tickets to "Tom Waits For No man" at Chapel off Chapel.

Damn excited me.

no time

7.05.2005

My birthday wishlist

Young Ladycracker will be celebrating another year of thrills, spills and bellyaches very shortly.

And what is on this year's present wishlist?

1. A Motorbike

Example


2. A brand new camera so I won't have to rely on Google image search for fun anymore.
Example



3. Pasties
Example


4. one of the those sleeping mask things in leopard print or diamantes
Example


5. The complete set of Beatles records on CD.
Example


6. A facial.
Example


7. Anything from here really



Please, give generously

7.04.2005

would you like to comb the grass now?

Due to MLI's ill health and my determination to redeem my self after LAST WEEKEND, this weekend was the most boring in history apart from one brief outing of excitement on Saturday (good to see you Luce, come back soon!)
To illustrate this, let's look at what I could have done on the weekend compared to what I really did.

WHAT I COULD HAVE DONE : POSED NUDE FOR ARTY DRAWINGS!

Example
I would be luminous in my nudity, the muse of the great artists of our time.

WHAT I DID DO : GOT A BRAZILIAN
riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip, could you put your legs behind your head please love?, riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip, now just hold your cheeks that's right, riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip.


WHAT I COULD HAVE DONE : WON A MILLION AGAINSTS THE RUSSIANS IN POKER

Example
Then raced to my escape in helicopter, laughing maniacally and admiring myself in my full length white fur jacket which I also won.

WHAT I DID DO : CLEANED THE INTERIOR OF MY CAR
with a dustbuster
and a broom
and a rag
and WINDEX

WHAT I COULD HAVE DONE : BEEN INVOLVED IN A BULLFIGHT!

Example
and possibly been gored by a bull or anti bullfight protestors!

WHAT I DID DO : SORTED OUT MY RECEIPTS FOR THE TAXMAN

A curiously pleasant experience, you should try it.

So yes apart from a very nice lunch at The Standardin Fitzroy my weekend was bog standard boring - although I do have a clean house, car, tax wallet, new sports bra to show for it.

Normal debauchery will resume shortly.

Oh and one of the above could've, should've, would've, didn't was actually booked to happen - can you guess which one?