Bye... For Now

It has come to the pointy end of the year and I need a bit of a break. I'm going off line for a few weeks.

I'll be back...


Rockwiz : A grand blogging adventure of five parts

On Tuesday night I was blessed with the company of some very fine folk.

  • The Lovely Fluffy

  • The Amazing M!key

  • South Side "Hot Rack" Elaine

  • and

  • The New One, Reuben

  • This fella was going to join us too and we missed him!

    We took part in what can only be considered the best thing to do on a Tuesday night in Melbourne. These guys can fill you in on most of the shenanigans, suffice to say we had a rockin' good time, probably got our mugs on the telly and suprisingly enjoyed having a bit of a sing along.

    Tuesday was the first time that I had met Fluffy, Southside Elaine and Reuben, having met M!key when we went to the Panics. For your enjoyment, take a peek and what was going through my head before we got to sing along "it's a Long Way To The Top" (The world's best icebreaker.)

    5.30pm - Damn I forgot that I promised the girls a lift home, ok let's go.
    6.00pm - ok not long to go now... oooh I hope they like me!
    6.10pm - does hair and makeup while driving down Williams Rd, thinks deeply about the wisdom of the feature clips in my hair.
    6.20pm - walk into the Espy, look for blogger types, realise I have no idea what a blogger type is, stand in line.
    6.30pm - M!key finds me, yay! then he find Elaine yay!, (gee, she's pretty)
    6.45pm - still in line and as we get to the front... Fluffy! I knew who she was straight away. (Ooohh I really like her eyes and hair)
    7.00pm - so where's Reuben and Skander?
    7.10pm - A ball of energy bounces by called Reuben. Unreal! Skander is still not here but the sing alongs have commenced! Rock and Roll!

    And the rest? - follow the links above. Especially if you want to find out which famous Australian singer offered a bit of sumthin' sumthin' to one of our dear bloggers?

    This will definitely be happening again so for all you shy folk who didn't come this tme, I would most pleased to see you at the round table next time!


    ichi, ni, san...

    A woman with a rack to die for sent me this. So, I comply and open the vault for TWENTY THINGS ABOUT ME.


    1. I have hair on my toes.
    2. I was on a game show when I was a child and became champion of champions.
    3. I am very sociable.
    4. I haven't finished my university degree.
    5. I'm on a serious scrabble losing streak at the moment.
    6. I am head over heels in love with an amazing man and I hope to be his wife.
    7. Some people say I look like Liv Tyler or Catherine Zeta Jones.
    8. My favourite job ever was working at a 7 - 11.
    9. I spent year in the Northern Territory working as a housekeeper at a hotel when I was 19.
    10. I haven't been overseas yet expect for NZ and I'm taking great pains to correct this.
    11.I despise popcorn.
    12. I make great scrambled eggs
    13. I cannot fry an egg.
    14. I still cry when I think wbout my dead grandmother, but not my grandfather as he was an alcoholic and I'm scared that I will turn out like him.
    15. I'm not afraid of my body.
    16. I have very small hands and feet for my height.
    17. I think very carefully about what underwear I wear each day and prefer that it matches.
    18. I am very passionate about organic skincare.
    19. I think a life lived without love is a waste.
    20. my one selfish wish? - I wish for fierce intelligence.

    Of course if you would like to know more please enjoy the saga. - and, as per usual, this meme is free to our good home.


    The Magic Garden

    The weekend was one of domestic bliss with little rock and roll fun. I'm hoping to makeup for it with Rockwiz, The Hives and a little burlesque training this week. Isn't that what they call work/life balance?

    As I've said before I'm really enjoying having an influence on MLI's girls and love showing them new things and discussing new ideas. This weekend was the unveiling of "THE MAGIC GARDEN", (applause, camera flashes, red carpet, well not quite). The Magic Garden is this really neat little crystal growing kit that you can get for about $10.00 in toy stores. First you put together the cardboard scenery and then water this scenery with some mysterious fluid. After about three hours crystals start to form and by the ten hour mark it is a fully formed garden.

    "Hurry up and grow dammit"

    The final result

    Cool huh?


    So that will be a two page feature next month?

    More on work. It seems this week I am destined to be surrounded by interminable fuck wits. That is part of working life I guess.
    But this one, this one is for the ladies.

    One day this week I had a four o'clock with a magazine editor and sales manager. I had met the sales manager before but had only been in contact with the editor by email. So I walk into the meeting, smile at the ready and introduce myself to the two women. Already seated in the room is my two male colleagues.

    ME: Hi, I'm Ladycracker nice to see you SM and lovely to put a face to a name ED.
    THEM: Hi, yourself, blah blah,
    US: carry on with social niceties, how was the trip etc.


    ME: Hi, I'm Ladycracker nice to see you SM and lovely to put a face to name ED.
    ED: So, when are you due?
    ME: (headspace:shocked!) Oh no time soon, so SM are you enjoying Melbourne?
    US: mixture of horror, shock and embarrassment on everyone's faces

    Then the Marketing head walks in none the wiser and we start what would have to be the most uncomfortable business meeting I have ever encountered. After the SM and ED had left, one colleague and I go outside to recover from the shock with a quick ciggie. I'm laughing about it at this stage because I felt for the poor girl as it must have been very embarrassing for her.

    But then, later that night I got really angry. It is obvious that the first thing she did was judge my weight and overall appearance. It is an unspoken rule not to mention pregnancy until you know for sure and this woman has been in the media and fashion for over fifteen years and seems incapable of social grace.. That said I'm a 12 - 14, with incredible saucy breasts, hips and legs, who dresses for my weight and makes the most of her "assets". Self confidence has never really been an issue for me, I'm happy how I am. This comment has made me think - perhaps it is my perception that is out of whack?

    To make matters worse, this was her apology by email yesterday. Which would probably not have arrived except that I contacted her first to fufill promises from the meeting.

    HER: "I'm sorry about being a total retard yesterday"
    ME : (thinks RETARD! *cries*) Oh look, just forget about it.

    Am I overreacting to this faux pas? I'm starting to formulate some pretty sinister ideas about fashion eds...


    Tea Break

    The sooner I stop working with incompetent people, the sooner I will put back the axe.
    that is all

    Foodies Unite

    It is MLI's birthday soon and I would like to book an intimate dinner for two somewhere special. I want something different not Flowerdrum, Di Stasio's or Pearl - suggestions?
    I also need to book for 16, mid price on another night. I tried Grand Hotel in Richmond but they already have a booking that night for a big table. Suggestions?


    Face Painting

    My friend is a cool face painter who can do anything from kid's parties to major adults events. Plus I love her dearly. So if you looking for a special something to add to your occasion please click here and get in contact.

    Places and events that would benefit from a little face painting.

    Question Time at Parliament House as they are all clowns (tish boom!)
    Spa sex party
    That Christmas party thing with the lawyers
    Meeting of the Board
    That one time on band camp
    Protesting at Coles Oatley

    ummm.. that's it


    My job may not be glamourous but at least it's funny


    An example of emails I get

    Okay, all I'm saying is when your boss comes and throws (name of magazine removed to protect privacy) on the desk, braying "Enough spoonter to baste a rhino"??? don't (wait) come (oh God) crying to me.

    And with that I leave all pretence of dignity.

    so any guesses what context that might be in?


    The Big Move


    I moved all my things into MLI's this weekend. Since I did it myself while he was at work I was quite nervous about moving things around and making room for myself. Luckily, having lived in small spaces before, I was able to put everything in it's place with the minimum of disruption to the status quo.

    So not really much else to report there. MLI and I enjoyed a marvellous meal together and one of our special bottles of wine(Cephas 29001 Shiraz) to celebrate the change in arrangements.

    The big test was what the girls would say when they realised that some of my things were lying around. They did notice a few things and questioned why they were there. These enquiries were made light of "Well, Ladycracker is here quite a lot so it is only fair that she should have some of her stuff here", and that was the end of that. I think we are going to just let the girls get used to me being around a lot more without making an offical announcement.

    Later after I got the littlest one out of the bath and I was drying her off ready for PJ's we had this conversation.

    HP - "Why are you here?"
    LC - " Well I like to come and visit your dad and you and MP, is that ok?"
    HP - "Yes I think it would be nice if you were here all the time, that you lived with us"
    LC - "Well HP that is such a lovely thing to say."
    HP - "When are you and Daddy going to get married?"
    LC - "What makes you think that HP?"
    HP - " I heard you taking about it in the car"
    (note to self: be careful they might hear you)
    LC - " Oh well, you know we might one day, but we will let you know first"
    HP - " Well I think you should get married"

    Then she runs off to tell MLI how she thinks things should be!
    I tell you,this is all get very interesting...

    Diamanda Galas

    This weekend,you will be sad to hear, did not have any moments of spectacular personal failure, lack of grace or foot in mouth moments, nor was there a sore morning head to be found. For once I stayed within the boundaries of good taste.

    Friday was spent waiting in delicious anticipation for the stage to be graced by the presence of the one, the only, Diamanda Galas.


    Her show Defixiones: Orders of the Dead had elements of triumph and disappointment. Hamer Hall is such a brilliant venue so I wasn't surprised by how clear and all encompassing the sound was. The disappointments came from what I felt was a lack of energy within the performance. The beginning was lacklustre and I was only truly inspired by the breadth of Galas' range towards the middle of the performance which I found spectacular in lighting, design and content. The final third of the performance which featured Galas' singing in English for the first time reminded me of some very bad fringe performance. It looked unprofessional and the visual work was cringeworthy.

    For all the Gothic glory that Diamanda utilises in her own diva way perhaps she could have updated the aesthetic of the show, perhaps modernise these Gothic symbols and skew the visuals toward the Greek style that reflects her heritage and the theme of this song cycle. Nevertheless, having waited 5 years to see her I was thrilled to have such great seats and witness one of the great female artists I admire even if I felt that this show was lacking.


    No Time to talk



    All over the shop

    I can't turn anyone of the many things on my mind at the moment into much of a cohesive post so just some small spots

    I just know that some of the really funny bloggers out there are going to make mincemeat of thisand make me piss my pants so I'm not even going to attempt anything.

    Please god, not Matty Lappin. I don't want to be reduced to calling him a FAITHLESS TRAITOR when I see him in someone else colours.

    The last google references I got were,

    "Lady wankers" (yes?)
    "Photos of average australian woman" (excuse me!)
    "Breatharians are idiots" (my thoughts exactly good googler)
    "Sexiest legs" (come any time)
    "Naughty farm girls" (hmmmm... maybe you can too but keep your hands off the farm girls, they are mine)

    and of course - "Catriona Rowntree naked" about 600 hundred times. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE????!!!!!!

    Ok so that is that stuff out of harm's way

    Last night I met the lovely Skander, a charming bloke who strangely enough is closer to my circle of circumstance than first believed. This meeting has got me thinking as I have met quite a few of my favourite bloggers now and have a read at least one horror story about blogger meetups via Misha's Rants .

    I've been lucky enough to enjoy the company of those I meet but surely there must be some funny stories out there like:
    Meeting up with blogger who ended up being someone you already knew.
    Relationship disintegrations
    Secretly reading the blog of someone you know without telling them.....that sort of stuff.

    Anyone got an urban myth they would like to share?


    the atennae are up

    I read this today and the PR wanker in me thought "what better way to redeem yourself after the debacle of Eucalyptus than by a humble appearance as an award show host?".


    Author of the blog and book "Love Is the New Hate" Check out Sean M Whelan and the mime set this weekend at Bar Open.

    Say it with flowers

    Friday night
    SHOCKING, like this pink gerbera

    Saturday morning
    CRABBY, like this crab claw

    Saturday afternoon
    MIXED, like this artful bouquet

    Saturday night
    STRANGE, like this orchid.

    Early hours of Sunday morning
    PASSIONATE AND SEXY, like this tigerlily

    PLAYFUL, like this daisy

    FRAGILE, like these dried flowers



    I'm lucky that I went out last night and had a complete ball as tonight I'm witnessing one male of an event. The Rebuilding Of Furniture. That is not of particular interest to you dear reader. But this is: I am officially a step mother.

    Sweet Jesus, My first drunk post.