Thought for the Day

That is all. Have a good weekend.


"Clean the Oven Bitch" Day

Valentine's Day; a chance for all to live out the dream as played out in this
  • delightful article
  • 2.09.2006

    The search is on

    Do you know what I found last night?

    An empty ring wallet from a jewellers that I know specialises in rings. Should I make like the fellowship and search it out? Or should I be noble Frodo and resist my urges? Or should I stop with the LOTR references and get a life?

    All answers on the back of a C5 envelope please.


    Joy and disappointment

    Now that 6 is back at school applying herself to year one, and 4 has started kinder with relish, I have discovered a wonderful morning pleasure. MAKING SCHOOL LUNCHES. Yes dear readers, this a post about the minutiae of my daily life. Come back tomorrow if you would like to hear more about the sex, music, politics or other more world shaking topics.

    Anyway SCHOOL LUNCHES, I love them because my own schooling lunches were an abomination. Mum, if you are reading this, I love you, you are an inspiration to my life and have instilled in me a great love of music and personal freedom, thanks. However, your school lunches weren't all that great. Mine are works of art.

    For those that care, note this:
    I use GLAD WRAP to cover sandwiches that have been cut in TRIANGLES. Very important.
    I have little containers of fresh strawberries and grapes, and little containers of mixed unsalted raw nuts.
    AND they get a little sweet treat.

    They look so beautiful that I want to take a photo of them. Good lord turn away now, I may cry.

    A word of advice is needed.

    MLI told the girls long ago that I was their step mother and as we have the girls equally as long as their mother does they have adjusted well to another female influence. However, MLI's ex doesn't want me to be called step mother because she believes the term would only be used after her death. The dictionary defines a step mother as the wife of your father and even though we aren't married we have employed this term comfortably.

    I dropped 4 off at kinder today and the teacher asked who I was. I said "4's stepmother". Then 4 said "Your not my step mother, you are only that after mummy dies". I was really embarrassed because she is obviously telling the kids different to us. I also signed into the kinder as 4's step mum and if MLI's ex sees that she will probably send some nasty messages to MLI.

    What should I do? If I'm not a stepmother - what am I?


    Why booze is good for you

    Only two weeks to go in my self imposed life of Booze Free Fun and the companion campaign, I Am a Non Smoker, continues. Some amazing revelations have come to light. The following thoughts have run through my head sometime in the last two weeks.

    "Aha ha ha, I'm a brilliant very strong person with lots of willpower, I will not fail"

    "Gosh, what am I going to do with my hands?"

    "Fuck, this party is boring, why is this person drooling on me?"

    "Wow, I had no idea drunk people could be so irrational"

    "Mmmmmm, perhaps I should post about Australia's drinking problem?"

    "Maybe I'll just stay in and read"

    In good news though, I have kissed 5 kilos and a lungful of black tar goodbye. And, if I do say so myself, I'm on my way to becoming quite a hot bird.

    Only two weeks to go friends. First round of Jagermeister is on me.



    Let's talk about masturbation. On masturbation, Tom Waits says it pretty well don't you think?

    Intro to "Better Off Without A Wife" (Nighthawks At The Diner, 1975, Tom Waits)

    I’ve always kind of been partial to calling myself up on the phone and asking myself out. You know... Oh yeah, you call yourself up too, huh? Yeah... Well, one thing about it, you’re always around! Yeah, I know. Yeah, you ask yourself out, you know. Some class joint somewhere. The Burrito King or something. You know... Well, I ain’t cheap, you know. Take yourself out for a couple of drinks maybe, you know. Then you’ll be... some provocative conversation on the way home. And park in front of the house, you know, and you... Oh yeah, you´re smooth with it... you know, you put a little nice music on. Maybe you put on like... you know... like shopping music, something that’s not too interruptive, you know. And then, you know, and eh... slide over real nice, you know, say, ’Oh, I think you have something in your eye’. Eh-heh-heh. Well, maybe it’s not that romantic with you, but Christ, I... you know! It ain’t... you know... Take myself up to the porch, and take myself inside. Oh, maybe... I make a little something, a brandy snifter or something. Would you like to listen to some of my back records. I got something here... Well, usually about 2.30 in the morning you’ve ended up taking advantage of yourself and... there ain’t no way around that, you know. Yeah, making the scene with a magazine, there ain’t no way around... I’ll confess, you know, I’m no different, you know. I’m not weird about it or anything. I don’t tie myself up first, I just... you know. I just kind of... spend a little time with myself.

    I'm sure we are all partial to a "little time by ourselves", and I certainly fly a flag for the self provision of pleasure. However this gentleman may be taking it a little far.

    You think?


    Tonight's Special: Blue Murder

    What does this man, Neddy Smith....

    and this man, Roger Rogerson....

    have to do with dinner?

    Find out over here at We Do Chew Our Food.